Missing posts / members XPhilosophy Forums was hacked on September 6th. Due to the hacker, everything between July 24th and September 6th is permanently missing. Unfortunately, automated backups had to be turned off months ago because they were crashing the server. We're evaluating how to stop this from happening again. You may be able to find your own posts in a google cache to re-post them, if you want to.
|Relationships Can Be Meaningless|
Joined: Feb 23, 2009
Total Topics: 33
Total Posts: 120
Posted Jul 25, 2009 - 7:50 PM:
Subject: Relationships Can Be Meaningless
Ok so I thought about the main reasons why people get into relationships. Personally I think it’s Sex and Friendship. I say Sex to cover all physical and emotional things connected to romance. You could say love, attraction, etc. And Friendship is just enjoying the person that you are with and being able to talk to them also and joke around, basically get along. I think both things are very important in a relationship. Here is just something I have experienced, an no offense to anyone. However I’m beginning to wonder why some people get into relationships. Say 2 people get together however they do not get along. So already from the start they are missing the “friend” factor. Then whats the point really? The relationship probably would not last long and I see alot of this. It’s like people don’t have that “friend” thing in the relationship. And without that I just feel relationships are utterly meaningless. Why not just have sex partners if you don’t care about being friends with someone your attracted to, why pretend to even care about what the other person likes or dislikes. From what I hear alot of people have to follow “rules and tips” and get relationship advice and they don’t ever seem to get along. And besides there are other reasons why people get into relationships that can make them meaningless, such as impressing friends, to help the ego, or to just follow social norms. I hear guys bragging about their girlfriend many times, making them out to be some sort of sexual trophy however constantly complaining about them. And at the same time teasing guys without girlfriends. And them some people aren’t so hot on the idea of sex in the relationship, but at the same time they don’t want to be friends with the person. So no Sex, no friendship, what’s going on. I just feel like without that “friend” factor, it’s pretty much a joke. This can lead to failed marriages, divorce, and an emotional waste for both parties.
Usergroup: Unmoderated Member
Joined: Jul 12, 2008
Location: Near Oslo, Norway
Total Topics: 55
Total Posts: 693
Posted Jul 26, 2009 - 5:13 AM:
I like what you bring up, "Relationships Can Be Meaningless". Sure, I agree that relationships must include friendship. Strictly speaking, though, if you're hostile to someone, isn't this a hostile relationship? So instead of pointing to relationships, you may want to point to friendships which may include sexual relations. This should make sense here. Cheers!
Default Rank Rejecter
Joined: Jul 22, 2009
Location: The universe. Possibly.
Total Topics: 2
Total Posts: 121
Posted Jul 26, 2009 - 5:19 AM:
Alright, firstly, you are mostly correct in saying that sexual relationships don't tend to work without both of the factors you mentioned. And somewhat obviously, friendships can last without sex. The problem is, most of the time, young relationships are a little confused about this, or at least, that's the assumption. That's why there are so few lasting relationships in high school and college. People aren't entirely sure what they want, and peer pressure (oh god, I feel like a socialogist) forces them into thinking that all they need is sex and a, ahem, "buff" girlfriend. I'm going to have to scratch my skin off my left am for that.
Anyway, the point is, friendship is a whole lot more long term that sex. Humans want sex, but want social interaction even more.
Joined: Apr 18, 2006
Total Topics: 10
Total Posts: 1103
Posted Jul 26, 2009 - 6:55 AM:
Why not just have sex partners if you don’t care about being friends with someone your attracted to, why pretend to even care about what the other person likes or dislikes.
One of the hardest things to do is to pretend to care about a person whom you don't really care about. I'd rather clean a dirty bathroom. One of the most pathetic things to do is to have sex with someone you don't like, because you're lonely. What do you say to him after sex? "Oh, by the way, don't use my towel. Better yet, don't use my toilet."
Joined: Mar 14, 2006
Total Topics: 83
Total Posts: 460
Posted Jul 27, 2009 - 12:58 AM:
Don't say anything after it. Just hope he doesn't ask 'was it good for you?'
Joined: Jul 06, 2009
Location: Over the Edge of the Universe
Total Topics: 0
Total Posts: 67
Posted Jul 27, 2009 - 7:49 AM:
Relationships can be meaningless.
You imply that you know of a possiblity that they can also be meaningful.
For a large part of the population that is essentially an exchange of romance for sex with threats of divorce if one side feels its not getting its fair share.
Joined: Mar 01, 2008
Total Topics: 183
Total Posts: 7521
Posted Jul 28, 2009 - 12:50 AM:
My theory is "There is no such think as a meaningless relationship."
Some people have sexual relationships that do not last long enough to involve friendship. Two people get together for sex, it is enjoyable, it lasts 5 minutes or an hour (whatever) and then it is over. They part. Meaningless? Not at all. Even fast promiscuous sex with a stranger in the dark can have real (and positive) meaning to those involved. Of course, sometimes the meaning is not very positive, but meaning-less, it is not.
Friendship, by definition, has to have a considerable duration, and also needs to bring a strong positive experience. Sometimes the long duration, the positive experience, and the sexual feature all come together (so to speak) and voila! one has a romance. Alas, romances never seem to last long enough. Is it because the ingredients are just too reactive? How much fizz can a relationship stand?
The good stuff is easier to understand than the bad stuff.
I think people enter into relationships for various reasons, some of them hidden below the surface. Some people have a strong need to be taken care of (maybe because of an emotionally cold childhood, say). They are hungry for nurture, and really do need to experience warm loving care. They may not be able to reciprocate, however. They may not know how to be loving and caring. So, here is a relationship that is likely to make somebody very unhappy. One person will be soaking up all of the energy the other one can put out. Happiness? It's Doomed!
Most of us replicate features of relationships that we experienced when we were growing up, at home. If all goes well, we have a repertoire of healthy relationship models to draw upon. If we are not so lucky, our repertoire includes some destructive relationships. Suppose a child was constantly criticized by a parent and given very little positive encouragement. Or suppose the child was physically abused - hit, punched, slapped, etc. when he or she displeased the parent. When these people get into an adult (or teenage) relationship, they are likely to either duplicate the behavior (be excessively critical, slap/punch/hit their partner when they are angry, disappointed, or frustrated) OR they are going to look for someone to do that to them. In either case, its not going to be very pretty - certainly not pleasant to watch.
There IS something wrong with the people in these negative relationships, but it isn't something they can be blamed for. We didn't choose the childhood we had. Its just that they can't be blamed for what is wrong. (On the other hand, one isn't obligated to stay in a relationship that is unhealthy.) And of course, one isn't obligated to do nothing about one's crappy childhood. Like, get some therapy!
Trophy relationships: Hmm, never had one, I guess - unless I was the trophy and just didn't realize it. Not likely, though. I was never that much of a prize, until lately. After 60+ years I have become a real catch.
This thread is closed, so you cannot post a reply.