Philosophy Jokes: Philosophy Forums

Philosophy Jokes
Do you know any philosophy jokes?

Page: 1 2 3 4

Philosophy Jokes

Usergroup: Members
Joined: Nov 21, 2009

Total Topics: 5
Total Posts: 125

0 of 1 people found this post helpful Posted 11/22/09 - 11:46 PM: Subject: Philosophy Jokes	#1
Do you guys know any philosophical jokes? OR can we make some? Heres one I thought was midly entertaining. An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist." Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute. Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"
To be, or not to be, that is the question-Shakesphere There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. -Shakesphere And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. - Nietzsche It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.-Aristotle The unexamined life is not worth living-Socrates

wuliheron
Tenured Poster

Usergroup: Members
Joined: Jun 02, 2003
Location: Newport News, Va

Total Topics: 15
Total Posts: 4572

Posted 11/23/09 - 01:09 AM:	#2
A Zen monk and Indian Guru were waiting at the dock for the ferry boat to arrive. The Guru said, "I have spent the last twenty years learning to walk on water, why don't we just walk?" To which the Zen master replied, "Twenty years of work, but it's a long walk and the ferry is only a dime!"

mikelepore
Student

Usergroup: Members
Joined: Apr 04, 2008

Total Topics: 0
Total Posts: 77

Posted 11/23/09 - 02:06 AM:	#3
The Buddhist monk said to the hot dog vendor, "Make me one with everything."

abductive
Initiate

Usergroup: Members
Joined: Nov 15, 2009

Total Topics: 0
Total Posts: 13

Posted 11/23/09 - 03:36 AM:	#4
'Philosophy is the systematic abuse of a terminology specifically designed for that purpose' I think Arthur Koestler said that or at least I read it in his 'The Act of Creation'.

180 Proof
kynic

Usergroup: Sponsors
Joined: Apr 27, 2003
Location: NOTHINGlifeNOTHING.

Total Topics: 89
Total Posts: 5457

Posted 11/23/09 - 03:49 AM:	#5
"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." -- Samuel Beckett
The question isn't "What do I believe?" but rather "What do I least disbelieve?" Absence of necessary evidence is evidence of necessary absence. [What cannot be done?[What cannot be hoped?[What cannot be known?]]]

Benkei
Self-hating Dutchman

Usergroup: Moderators
Joined: Feb 06, 2004
Location: Netherlands

Total Topics: 64
Total Posts: 2515

Posted 11/23/09 - 04:04 AM:	#6
A fragment of a lost Platonic dialogue Is not the whole, Callicles, greater than the part? Without doubt. And the part is smaller than the whole? Assuredly. But if the part is smaller than the whole, then the whole is larger than the part? So I believe. And if the whole is greater than the part, then the part is smaller than the whole? Certainly. Is it as certain as that? Could you conceive a part which would contain the whole? Never. But you do conceive a whole which contains a part? Surely. And the whole, constituting the part, is greater than it? Yes. It follows that philosophers should be the rulers of the State. How does that follow? There can be no doubt. Let us begin again. The whole is greater than the part...
Obama is humping the pump in an effort to re-inflate an economy that looks more like a balloon with a 55 caliber bullet hole in it. - Joe Bageant

Benkei
Self-hating Dutchman

Usergroup: Moderators
Joined: Feb 06, 2004
Location: Netherlands

Total Topics: 64
Total Posts: 2515

Posted 11/23/09 - 04:04 AM:	#7
Overheard in 18th century England: "Did you hear that George Berkeley died?" "His girlfriend stopped seeing him."
Obama is humping the pump in an effort to re-inflate an economy that looks more like a balloon with a 55 caliber bullet hole in it. - Joe Bageant

Benkei
Self-hating Dutchman

Usergroup: Moderators
Joined: Feb 06, 2004
Location: Netherlands

Total Topics: 64
Total Posts: 2515

Posted 11/23/09 - 04:07 AM:	#8
A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe at every speech while his boss would easily answer questions about morality and ethics. Then one day the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for the evening's lecture. The philosopher agreed and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well. When it came time for questions from the guests, a woman in the back asked, "Is the epistemological view of the universe still valid in an existentialist world?" "That is an extremely simple question," he responded. "So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he will do."
Obama is humping the pump in an effort to re-inflate an economy that looks more like a balloon with a 55 caliber bullet hole in it. - Joe Bageant

Benkei
Self-hating Dutchman

Usergroup: Moderators
Joined: Feb 06, 2004
Location: Netherlands

Total Topics: 64
Total Posts: 2515

Posted 11/23/09 - 04:09 AM:	#9
Last one: If metaphysics is being qua being; and if epistomology is knowing qua knowing; then metaphilosophy must be... qua qua qua.
Obama is humping the pump in an effort to re-inflate an economy that looks more like a balloon with a 55 caliber bullet hole in it. - Joe Bageant

coolazice
Assistant Professor

Usergroup: Members
Joined: Sep 05, 2006

Total Topics: 26
Total Posts: 281

Posted 11/23/09 - 04:44 AM:	#10
Not a joke, but in terms of philosophy humour who could forget the Pythons singing this: Immanuel Kant was a real pissant Who was very rarely stable. Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar Who could think you under the table. David Hume could out-consume Schopenhauer and Hegel, And Wittgenstein was a beery swine Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel. There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya 'Bout the raising of the wrist. Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed. John Stuart Mill, of his own free will, On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill. Plato, they say, could stick it away - Half a crate of whisky every day. Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle. Hobbes was fond of his dram, And René Descartes was a drunken fart. 'I drink, therefore I am.' Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed, A lovely little thinker, But a bugger when he's pissed.
One of the greatest weaknesses in human nature is to be dogmatic about issues of which we are ignorant. "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio/Than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

Page: 1 2 3 4

Sorry, you don't have permission to post. Log in, or register if you haven't yet.