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My personal statement.
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My personal statement.

GeorgeHawkins
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Posted 10/26/09 - 06:41 PM: Subject: My personal statement.	#1
This is the second draft of my personal statement for applying to university to do philosophy next year. I really need to get this done this week since its a popular course so I could do to get my applications in soon. Id really appriciate some comments. --------------- I have an avid interest in philosophy. I have a particular interest in the philosophy of Nietzsche. Nietzsche developed the idea that hard times in life can actually be an advantage. That by overcoming problems and mastering oneself, one can become a greater than one could otherwise have been. I find this much more appealing than schools of thought which would simply try to make one see one’s problems as less bad, when they may not be less bad. Or ones that would say that none of it matters because life is eternal and that those who are poor and meek, such as failures, are in some way correct in being that way so should be content when contentment means they wont act to improve there situation. Although I think he meant more than just unhappiness being the motivation for improving ones situation. I think what he was getting at was also that in a person strong enough to endure hardship, that hardship can be a catalyst for greatness. In a similar way to the way in which the natural response of a plant growing in a strong wind would grow with a stronger stalk. The natural response of a strong person to great difficulties in life can be to become greater. Obviously the plants growing in the strongest winds would end up being the ones with the strongest stalks, or dead. Nietzsche was ill for most of his life, faced more hardship and pain than most and ended up as one of the greatest philosophers of his time so was in a very good position to understand this. Many consider thus spoke Zarathustra to be his greatest work and he wrote that shortly after one of the most painful episodes of his life. I have exceptional reasoning skills and powers of debate. I enjoy arguing my positions on various issues and can discuss issues with people from all walks of life. I like discussing duelist philosophies and am highly critical of the reasoning behind the way in which they are traditionally presented. I really enjoy debating Nick Bostroms simulation argument and contributed some points about how post humans deciding weather or not to create simulations would create a paradoxical situation where in deciding to create simulations they would be greatly reducing the chances of them being real post humans. As post humans they would be in a position to decide weather or not post humans create simulations so by deciding not to they would greatly improve the chances of them being real rather than simulated. I am currently studying an access to higher education in social sciences diploma. In addition to this, I am studying the Japanese language, Kendo and pottery. I enjoy gardening and am doing the pottery course in order to learn to make my own bonsai dishes. I have been growing lots of bonsai trees since deciding to go to University in order to sell over the Internet to supplement my student income. In the past I've worked for a Pirtek which is a hydraulics company a job I had to leave due to an allergy. Prior to starting my course I worked as a self employed gardener, which I enjoyed. I have done a great deal of gardening as it was an interest I got from my grandparents at a young age. I prefer the wild plant to the cultivar. I like to cultivate wildness. My way of gardening is to emulate nature. Although with bonsai I have broken from emulating nature in the sense of recreating natures conditions as they require a good deal of direct cultivation. However in creating a windswept style bonsai one is emulating the effect that growing in a small crack on a windy cliff side and age would have on the appearance of a tree. I would urge you to offer me a place at your university. I belive I have what it takes to be a successful student of philosophy. I think its a field in which I could apply my powers of reasoning and understanding. I am well organized, motivated and determined to fulfill my potential and make what I can of myself. I can assure you that I would work hard to make the most of any opportunity that you might give me. Edited by GeorgeHawkins on 10/26/09 - 07:01 PM
"What I understand by "philosopher": a terrible explosive in the presence of which everything is in danger." - Friedrich Nietzsche.

GeorgeHawkins
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Posted 10/26/09 - 07:08 PM:	#2
What is the meaning of giving my personal statement a one star vote?
"What I understand by "philosopher": a terrible explosive in the presence of which everything is in danger." - Friedrich Nietzsche.

Apathy Kills
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Posted 10/26/09 - 07:24 PM:	#3
I'm undergoing to same process as well, George. However, I do not feel the same pressure to get the statement of purpose done as quickly as possible as you do. Here in the U.S. many of the application deadlines are early January. First, you do a good job making the letter a personal letter - that's in fact the whole point, to let the reviewers of your application get a personal impression of who you are. The writing sample, which is perhaps the most important part of your application, gives the reviewers an impression of your academic capability and sophistication. However, here are some suggestions that my own professors have given me when I get around to finally writing it: First, I think mentioning Nietzsche at the get go is a bad idea. I believe this makes your letter less serious because the reviewers will read that as the all too common obsession of many undergraduates. Stay away from mentioning Nietzsche as your interest for further studying philosophy unless you know some German (if you do, then you have some standing). Second, don't say "I have an avid interest in philosophy" or "I have exceptional reasoning skills...". Obviously since you are applying for further study of philosophy, you have an interest in philosophy. Also, do not heap self-praise on yourself, let your letters of recommendation do that! Third, one of the main things which the statement of purpose is suppose to do is give your reviewers some idea of what your interests are within philosophy. You do this some when you mention Nick Bostrum's simulation argument. This is good but you need more. Are you interested in any other fields of philosophy, like ethics or metaphysics? Enumerate and explicate your interests, that is what your letter is for! Good Luck (I know I'll need it)
"Here the ways of men part: if you wish to strive for peace of soul and pleasure, then believe; if you wish to be a devotee of truth, then inquire..." Nietzsche

GeorgeHawkins
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Posted 10/26/09 - 07:54 PM:	#4
Thanks for the tips. The deadlines here are around January too but according to someone I spoke to last week getting your application in early is good if your doing a popular course like law. Apparently Leeds university which is near here is already making interview lists for there law courses. The avid interest in philosophy is something my tutor suggested. I originally said great interest. Although as you say, the fact that I am applying for the course says that so I'll remove that bit Also the 'powers of debate', I originally said good at debating which I still think sounds better.. Next week (on holiday at the moment) I think ill get more than one tutor to take a look. One of the courses I am applying to (you apply to five) has a year where you get to pick from about five things to do for the year and one of them is Nietzsche so I figured it'd be good to show I have an interest in something id be studying. I didn't know it was an all to common obsession. The exceptional reasoning skills thing is my attempt at selling myself, which the tutor said was the aim, although I can see that it might come across as something I should be displaying rather than saying. I managed to loose the first modified with the tutors advice version of this through not saving so ended up re typing from memory so I keep seeing things I've not made so clear as I could have but that is soon fixed and ill probably re word allot of it to make it sound more sophisticated as I go along. I'll work on it more tommorow. Edited by GeorgeHawkins on 10/26/09 - 08:09 PM
"What I understand by "philosopher": a terrible explosive in the presence of which everything is in danger." - Friedrich Nietzsche.

Wolfman
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Posted 10/27/09 - 12:12 AM:	#5
In your first paragraph your fifth sentence was an awkward read, and the last sentence seems like an irrelevant biographical tidbit. I understand that you are trying to tie your interest in philosophy to Nietzsche, but at times it looked like a book report. The first sentence of your second paragraph seems a little immodest, and the spelling mistakes that ensue, e.g., "duelist" instead of dualist, make it even more awkward. The last sentence of your second paragraph is unnecessary. I thought the last paragraph made you appear a little desperate. Your biographical information was interesting. These are just some cursory observations, but remember to keep it concise and to the point. Good luck.
"That which is done out of love is always beyond good and evil" - Nietzsche "Every art and every inquiry, and similarly every action and pursuit, is thought to aim at some good; and for this reason the good has rightly been declared to be that at which all things aim." - Aristotle "It is better to do one's own duty, however defective it may be, than to follow the duty of another, however well one may perform it. He who does his duty as his own nature reveals it, never sins." - Lao Tzu "Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is mere intellectual play." - Kant

sadie mae
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Posted 10/27/09 - 07:49 AM:	#6
Are you applying to graduate school in philosophy? Just curious. Even if the content is 100% relevant and well written, spelling and grammar mistakes will severely detract from your statement. You want to give this issue immediate attention. (Confusing 'weather' for 'whether' and 'duelist' for 'dualist') In addition, format the statement in a way that is structured better. Even your statement of purpose will be used to infer what type of philosophy you will be able to contribute, structure and logical flow are important. Think about dedicating a paragraph to each area of philosophy that interests you, then discuss what you have accomplished so far, and where you plan to take your research in the future. Definitely revise the Nietzsche section. Your statement of purpose is not an appropriate place to go into details about a philosopher's life or work. Instead be specific and concise, what interests you about the work in particular and what research have you done/plan to do regarding this topic. Less personal stuff about your interests, it's not relevant. You want to portray a maturity and sophistication of thought, stay on point and keep it overall professional. hope that helps, good luck!

GeorgeHawkins
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Posted 10/27/09 - 11:39 AM:	#7
Ta for the tips. Im applying to do my first degree. A BA in philosophy. I like that you asked me that. I always said they should let me do a masters right away.. The spellcheck website I used (no word on the computer) changed dualist to duelist. Ill get the spelling and stuff thouroghly checked before sending it. My tutors said that as a mature student I should put stuff in about my work and life experience. Hence the stuff about gardening and how I'm gonna use it to get through uni. I tried to present it as kinda my philosophy of gardening. You think I should be more concise about why Nietzsche interests me and then fill the saved space with another topic of interest or leave it out? Ive been looking at personal statements online and many of them do talk about a particular philosopher that interests them. Gonna do some more work on this now.
"What I understand by "philosopher": a terrible explosive in the presence of which everything is in danger." - Friedrich Nietzsche.

Wolfman
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Posted 10/27/09 - 12:26 PM:	#8
George, what exactly is your essay prompt? Also, if there are any universities in your area (not community colleges) that offer summer philosophy courses, my suggestion would be to take one. Philosophy papers are different from typical English papers, for example, and you only really develop a knack for writing them after a lot of practice. Even if you are a good writer, it would be best to get some practice writing philosophy papers at the university level before you take the plunge.
"That which is done out of love is always beyond good and evil" - Nietzsche "Every art and every inquiry, and similarly every action and pursuit, is thought to aim at some good; and for this reason the good has rightly been declared to be that at which all things aim." - Aristotle "It is better to do one's own duty, however defective it may be, than to follow the duty of another, however well one may perform it. He who does his duty as his own nature reveals it, never sins." - Lao Tzu "Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is mere intellectual play." - Kant

GeorgeHawkins
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Posted 10/27/09 - 02:06 PM:	#9
Everyone on my course is applying for different degrees so they just gave us some basic guidelines and said to look on the internet at ones people had written for degrees in our chosen area. Im the only one on the course who wants to do philosophy. I have an interest in it, think id be good at it and theres so many things I could do with it. I could do a year long conversion course to law for example. So it seems the best choice for me. I wrote my first draft and my tutor said to add stuff about my life and work experience and the paragraph at the bottom starting with something like ''I would urge you to give me a plae on this course because..''.. Aswell as re-wording some of the stuff as I mention above. I'll look into summer courses. Presumably with it being in the summer after I've sent off my applications and stuff it'd be too late to be taken into account on my application?
"What I understand by "philosopher": a terrible explosive in the presence of which everything is in danger." - Friedrich Nietzsche.

Wolfman
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Posted 10/27/09 - 03:04 PM:	#10
It's probably too late, but take it for the experience. A lower division summer course at a university will give you a taste of things to come. A long time ago I took two lower division philosophy classes prior to transferring into a top 10 ranked philosophy department. On my first paper I got a B- and some nasty comments. This was during a summer class open to anyone willing to pay the tuition. You don't want to jump straight into upper division coursework with little experience in writing philosophy papers, no matter how well you think you write.
"That which is done out of love is always beyond good and evil" - Nietzsche "Every art and every inquiry, and similarly every action and pursuit, is thought to aim at some good; and for this reason the good has rightly been declared to be that at which all things aim." - Aristotle "It is better to do one's own duty, however defective it may be, than to follow the duty of another, however well one may perform it. He who does his duty as his own nature reveals it, never sins." - Lao Tzu "Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is mere intellectual play." - Kant

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