Joined: Apr 18, 2006
Total Topics: 10
Total Posts: 1074
Posted Aug 7, 2012 - 12:07 AM:
hyena in petticoat wrote:
First, I am a person who's generally "picky" with the kind of friends I keep, but I am rather easy to please and generally a sucker for friends who make me feel I matter.
Recently, I feel like a lot of my good friends have "outgrown" me despite my attempts of keeping in touch.
How do you cope with this disappointing reality? I've never been "dumped" by a guy, but I think I know what break-ups would feel like (in a similar context).
Well, I'm not a very good person to ask about this. I am way too relaxed about friendship...to a fault. You could fall off my radar one day, and re-appear on my screen years later. I would still be the same.
On Aug 7, 2012 - 10:51 AM, hyena in petticoat responded: You are my kind of friend C.
On Aug 7, 2012 - 11:22 PM, Caldwell responded: Thanks, dear.
Joined: Nov 30, 2008
Total Topics: 31
Total Posts: 4547
Posted Aug 7, 2012 - 1:35 PM:
I've never had a friend, so I can't help you out here.
On Aug 8, 2012 - 1:34 AM, Wosret responded: But aren't we friends Hanunder (which is the female name I've just now invented for you, as friends do)?
On Aug 8, 2012 - 4:28 AM, Hanover responded: Maybe we are. I don't know. You yelled at me the other day.
On Aug 8, 2012 - 12:18 PM, Wosret responded: Only because I care!
On Aug 8, 2012 - 5:33 PM, Hanover responded: Thank you! Whenever I tell someone their post is bullshit they never thank me. Why?
On Aug 8, 2012 - 6:23 PM, Wosret responded: They fail to appreciate that you only say it because you care?
On Aug 8, 2012 - 6:50 PM, Hanover responded: Yes! I tell them it's bullshit, they ignore me, and then they get banned. No "whoops, sorry"!
On Aug 8, 2012 - 8:50 PM, Wosret responded: I was advised to not care so much about it -- but thank you.
Usergroup: Unmoderated Member
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Location: somewhere in between
Total Topics: 79
Total Posts: 2107
Posted Aug 8, 2012 - 5:59 AM:
Abandon learnedness, and you have no vexation. The "yes" compared with the "yea," how little do they differ! But the good compared with the bad, how much do they differ!
If what the people dread cannot be made dreadless, there will be desolation, alas! and verily, there will be no end of it.
The multitudes of men are happy, so happy, as though celebrating a great feast. They are as though in springtime ascending a tower. I alone remain quiet, alas! like one that has not yet received an omen. I am like unto a babe that does not yet smile. Forlorn am I, O so forlorn! It appears that I have no place whither I may return home. The multitude of men all have plenty and I alone appear empty. Alas! I am a man whose heart is foolish.
Ignorant am I, O, so ignorant! Common people are bright, so bright, I alone am dull.Common people are smart, so smart, I alone am confused, so confused. Desolate am I, alas! like the sea. Adrift, alas! like one who has no place where to stay. The multitude of men all possess usefulness. I alone am awkward and a rustic too. I alone differ from others, but I prize seeking sustenance from our mother.
Tao te Ching 20, translated by Suzuki
Joined: Jul 25, 2012
Total Topics: 13
Total Posts: 300
Posted Aug 8, 2012 - 4:46 PM:
Personally I think it depends what you really want from life. For me, I haven't put that much importance into friends. Sure, I meet with quite a few people from time to time to have a drink, play some sports, have a talk etc. But if one of them suddenly decides not to talk to me anymore I wouldn't mind that much. I'd feel a bit disappointed and maybe spend like 30mins being sad over it, but then I'd just move on. What I really care about in life is my family, and whoever happens to be the person that I love (right now my current girlfriend). So as long as my family and my girlfriend are all right, then I'm happy. My philosophy is that we must live life simply. Only if we live life simply can we find happiness
As for instances when I actually "broke up" with friends. Well when I switched schools when I was like 12 I lost touch completely with my friends from my previous school. As in absolutely lost touch, not even a single contact with any of them. We used to be really close, and we'd hang around together all the time, me and 4 other guys. We'd play sports, talk about things, exchange ideas and worries, etc. But when I left to go to another school, I guess we all just moved on naturally. I didn't call them or attempt to contact them, and neither did they call or attempt to contact me. I have no idea what they're doing currently, and already such a long time has passed. As for why I didn't contact them? Well I guess I was busy trying to make new friends at the new school, that I just didn't feel the need to call the old ones. Life just, I don't know, naturally moved on. Sometimes it's time for us to change what we do, to do something completely new, something that can make and shape us to become different people and to grow. I tend to regard everything as one big adventure... Hence, the only point is to jump into the unknown and try something new, with courage. There have been other instances when I broke up with really good friends. I have a really "bad" reputation among the people I hang around with for doing anything that my girlfriend (all the girlfriends I had), wants me to. So if my girlfriend wants me to abandon my best friend, I'll do it without any regret. Why? Because for me what matters most is that a person has the courage to keep up his/her values in the face of adversity and even when he/she 's forced to make tough decisions. My value is that making the person I love happy is the most important thing. Why is that so? Because I just, I don't know, I just can't stand seeing the person I love sad, or disappointed. I wasn't always so, but ever since I grew up, from say 16+ I became like this. So, over the years I have abandoned friends this way (even really good friends). It was painful, but you know that's life... we can't have everything, hence, as I was saying, in order for us to be happy we must live as simply as possible. I have my value, and I stick by it whatever that means. Of course now I won't do something completely immoral if my girlfriend would ask me to, but generally any request I'd be happy to fulfill, as long as of course she takes the same attitude towards me, which all girls that I've dated have agreed to. So I guess these stories illustrate that it all matters on what you value most in life. If friendship isn't what you value most, then you could try to shift your focus from these friends, onto what you really value most, and I think that would help you to grow and move on.
I don't know if my stories about friends will help you or not since I don't know much about you. If it helps you fine, if not, maybe it helps someone else who's reading. Goodluck!
|Recent Internal Replies|
|On Aug 8, 2012 - 8:50 PM, Wosret replied internally to Hanover's I've never had a....|
|On Aug 8, 2012 - 6:50 PM, Hanover replied internally to Hanover's I've never had a....|
|On Aug 8, 2012 - 6:23 PM, Wosret replied internally to Hanover's I've never had a....|
|On Aug 8, 2012 - 5:33 PM, Hanover replied internally to Hanover's I've never had a....|
|On Aug 8, 2012 - 12:18 PM, Wosret replied internally to Hanover's I've never had a....|
|On Aug 8, 2012 - 4:28 AM, Hanover replied internally to Hanover's I've never had a....|
|On Aug 8, 2012 - 1:34 AM, Wosret replied internally to Hanover's I've never had a....|
|On Aug 7, 2012 - 11:22 PM, Caldwell replied internally to Caldwell's Hi, hyena. :cool....|
|On Aug 7, 2012 - 10:51 AM, hyena in petticoat replied internally to Caldwell's Hi, hyena. :cool....|
|On Aug 4, 2012 - 1:36 AM, hyena in petticoat replied internally to hyena in petticoat's @Paul: I guess, but ....|